You can’t move on because you aren’t letting go :/
I sort of can relate to you, but I wasn’t in an abusive relationship, but I’ll talk about it anyways. The person I loved destroyed my trust in her, and I was really devastated. I knew the best, most logical thing to do was to forget her and move on, but I simply couldn’t as I was really attached. You don’t want to let go of things you’re familiar with, you don’t really wanna start all over if you know what I mean. I just didn’t wanna let go, I just kept holding on.
Eventually my regular life (school and stuff) helped distract me from her. And with time, I came to understand one thing. No matter how hard you hold onto the relationship, it’s already gone because its in the past.
You might be not be able to move on because you think you won’t find somebody else or he’s the one or something like that. But that’s really wrong, because love isn’t found, its built. You can and will find somebody else, just don’t be afraid.
Its best to let go completely. The relationship, the memories, and the feelings. Don’t hate him, don’t love him, don’t do nothing with him. Remove him from your life completely. That’s how I sorta moved on, and I believe it might work for you too.
Sadly sometimes people go back on their words. But you gotta remember that applies to only some people. There are indeed people out there willing to stick with you, regardless of what it is you’re going through. I know damn sure if my friends about my depression, a vast majority would not wanna communicate with me. But I know a few would stick around. So you gotta find those type of friends. You can’t give up, okay?
No, you’re not alone. While your parents are gone, you still have a different kind of family, a family that you choose: your friends. Your friends are like family and vice versa, you love them, you trust them, you rely on them, and they trust, love, and rely on you as well. It’s unfortunate that your parents are gone, and nothing will change that, sadly. However, wherever your parents are, regardless if you believe in a religion or you’re an atheist or w/e, they want nothing but the best for you. They don’t want to see you sad, crying, in solitude, depressed, or anything like that. Don’t give up even though they’re gone. They want to see you happy, joyful, and loved.
Don’t forget, you’re never alone. You have your friends, and your future lover out there. And then you have me :P
Let’s hope you’re right :/
Yeh I feel lonely most of the time, but I’m used to it.
I don’t usually talk about what I’m feeling because I choose not to. I rather help people instead.
What you did was pretty damn brave, don’t be ashamed about it. Anybody who hates you for that is an asshole, and you should definitely not feel bad about them leaving. As unfortunate as it is, you will lose some “friends” because of you revealing about your depression and self harm. But I’m sure some of them will stay, because they do actually care for you and love you. Those are the friends you can actually trust.
Don’t give up, you gotta endure. Things do get better, and it takes time to get better, but they eventually do. Keep trying :)